What a mom does with free time

Today's domestic topic is about free time. I'm probably going to come off as sounding like a very entitled, spoiled, stay at home mom - sorry. But I find it difficult to fill all the hours in a day. Especially when I am trying to commit to a slower pace, and be home. Yes, there was a time when I was constantly nursing and/or pregnant - often both - and I wondered if I ever would have a moment to myself. Now that my babies are all almost 5 and older, I have enough time to pretty much do whatever I want, if I were to be intentional about it. Even with reading books to the kids, practicing multiplication tables, cleaning all the common areas of the home to a decent level of tidiness; I wonder what else to do.

Obviously, there is always something I could do in the house. My bedroom is a disaster, and my closet could use an overhaul. To reach perfection in every area of my home could fill many days. But no one in my family cares to attain that, so I don't either.

I've been bored, so I have been nesting with pictures and pretties, rearranging furniture. For my birthday, I got some new dishes and decor from Ross. It's too hot to go outside, so I'm practicing taking low-light photos indoors.

Men don't have a problem devoting time to their interests. I think they feel like their free time is well-earned. Moms tend to guilt themselves for even wanting to have a moment, not alone necessarily, but spent in their passions. My husband plays hockey, restored a '56 VW bug, built a go-cart and a treehouse, and dabbles in a couple of other hobbies. He suffers no internal conflict from enjoying these things - he knows he worked hard all day, and it's relaxing to him. I need to get there too, but it's hard when so many mom ministries/blogs will tell you that you shouldn't need this. I'm not talking selfishness or vain ambition here, or hard-heartedness towards your family; always feeling the desire to take flight away from them. My kids are growing up, very quickly as the cliche goes, and I really aim to be present with them and savor their childish sweetness. But, still, they grow and spend a lot of time in fellowship with one another, and I don't need to hover over them or over the countertops and flooring waiting for a crumb to fall.

I have way too many interests. I am still, fundamentally, the free-spirited girl I was when I was 18. I could go in many directions in my dabbling: developing this blog and writing in earnest, joining a band or worship team playing guitar, learn more about photography and get into videography, sew more for the house and wardrobe. I consider myself mediocre at all of these things now, and could use the free time to get better. If I worked on any one of these skills regularly, by the time my children are adults, I could be pretty skilled. But it is hard to see my calling apart from motherhood right now.

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