Striving and the struggle of real life homemaking
I am almost entirely caught up on laundry. I lead with this because it has not happened in years. I've been working very hard over the last several days because we hosted a hangout at our house on Friday, and I wanted every room to be tidy.
After a big push to get my home in order, I always experience a flare up from my chronic pain post-exertion. This time I've hit a hormonal stretch of ovulation migraines alongside kidney stone pain.
I've always envied some women's ability to maintain order and loveliness on a consistent basis, homes always at the ready for drop in company. It's just not been my lot in life to be able to physically handle the work of housekeeping as a steady routine. Not just housekeeping but also homeschooling.
This week starts a push to get back into a better routine for homeschooling. The election hysteria is winding down, and life doesn't feel like an emergency right now. My daughter starts a live Outschool class on Anne of Green Gables today. It's hard when you have one graduate living at home who no longer has school to do, and the other kids act like they've graduated too. My youngest got behind on his Veritas Press modern times class and we are struggling to complete it before it expires at the end of June. I'm grasping at straws to find ways to keep them productive. Our reliable homeschool community has fallen apart, and I'm feeling the loss. Partly due to the pandemic, also due to differing goals and lifestyles. I no longer have a group of ladies that I can just say, "Hey, let's get an enrichment co-op going" and know that it's something we can depend on. Local homeschool classes run $45-90 a MONTH per kid and as self employed folks, I just can't afford that. I've never been really impressed with what we get for that either. I miss the days of a 12 week parent led co-op for $25 a child. One thing I'm learning with teens/young adults is I need to check myself and ask, what do THEY want or think they need. My mind can go in all directions of what could be fun or beneficial, meanwhile all those efforts are for naught because it didn't connect with them. My kids have a handful of close friends, and I love that. We just don't feel a part of a solid community anymore.
But my kids need Jesus over all these other things that could just keep us busy; running around. Without faith in Christ, there is no hope. But raising teens is a delicate dance of not wanting to push your faith and theological opinions on them to strongly, causing resentment. They've got to make it their own, and I don't know what is in their hearts and heads.You can't judge anyone's walk of faith from the outside or be able to truly guess who they will end up being, not knowing the work of God that is taking place inside. I never want to come off as feeling spiritually superior. We are all just pilgrims on this journey. I've got some really awesome kids that I'm very proud of, just the way they are. I pray for God to reveal Himself to them and for genuine growth to take place by His Spirit.
I had some goals that I wanted to focus on - business type goals - and it just doesn't look like I will have the time and energy to do it. I see cute shops and fun crafts I could make, and I always need a new project to plan. But my focus just keeps getting shifted back to my home where it belongs. I should keep funneling that creative energy into my kids and home atmosphere. And I'm okay with that, it's truly the most satisfying way to live for me. But when I get hit with these chronic health problems, it's like one step forward, two steps back. Writing posts like these reminds and preaches to myself, even years later.
I am not a very disciplined person. It's impossible for me to be with my health issues. The Lord knows what I go through, and He shows me grace and mercy. I don't beat myself up about it; it's real life. Being a traditional wife and homemaker isn't about pearls, aprons, and casseroles. It's not always a pretty picture fit for Pinterest nor would it make an aesthetic Youtube video. It's about having a servant's heart and submitting to the will of God and His call for you. Sometimes that involves struggle and suffering.